Mission Statement

Fellow Killed That viewers,

I’d like to take this time to welcome you to my new weekly article titled “White Boy Review.” As the column suggests, I am a white boy. My head naturally sways when my favorite Goo Goo Dolls tune pops on my special edition U2 i-Pod. My parents used to give me “time-outs” whenever I threw my blue and grey Furbee at my iguana named Spike. And, the day Steven Segal released his DVD box set, I shed tears of joy on my J. crew v-neck. Although my eye’s light up to the idea of wearing green shorts and a sea-turtle Hawaiian shirt at a summer Jimmy Buffet concert; there’s something about that Chris Brown and T-Pain that makes my shoulders role and hips shake. There’s something about songs like “Juicy” and “Dear Momma” that massage my heart and incite my mind. I don’t know if you can get a better feeling than blasting “On Bended Knee” while on a five-hour drive to the lake house. Sometimes a white boy just needs a little soul to keep his arms flapping.

For this reason, I have decided to write weekly reviews of popular rap/hiphop/r&b songs and music video. I will also be reviewing sweet movies, funny videos, new inventions and other pertinent commodities that I feel my fellow killedthat.com companions would enjoy.

Sincerely,
White boy

Up Next: Music You Should Know, Reviews of: Ray J, Yung Berg, Lil Mama, Chris Brown, and T-Pain

Reviews

“Sexy Can I” -Ray J feat. Yung Berg
I first discovered this intellectual masterpiece at a Wild Wild West theme party. As I was just cooling down from an invigorating groove session to “Pop Bottles,” the words “Sexy Can I” blared over the speakers. Immediately, all the ladies’ red bandanas and Corona cowboy hats started to slowly wave back and forth. Small bursts of energy shot through my veins as my nods became more circular and my knee bends more rhythmically. For a little while, I actually felt myself singing “Sexy Can I…” and doing a subtle slide and arm wave through a sea of blondes. Shit, I even was able to ignore the lyrical virtuosity of Yung Berg as he spoke of unique images such as girls wanting Gucci and Marc Jacobs wearing gentleman callers. But, after about a minute and half, my glide had lessened and my spastic bounce had vanished. And, by the time Yung Berg made his second entrance I was ready to experiment on how badly a plastic cap gun could rupture my eardrums.

In rating the song’s danceability/singability, I give this tune a 6.5/10; it’s catchy and memorable. In terms of originality, I will give this song a 3/10 for its groundbreaking lyrical content about grinding and hitting on girls at clubs. In chick appeal, I will give this song an 8/10 because of its superior ability to make the ladies provocatively slither their bodies and pop their asses. The song is fine when you’re drunk on vodka and cranberry’s and want something to keep your New Balances tapping just after you’ve rocked out to a AC/DC magnitude song like “The Anthem.”

“Shawty Get Loose” -Lil Mama feat. Chris Brown & T-Pain

And on the eighth day God created Lil Mama and said, “It is good.” Granted, for the first fifteen seconds of the song, the middle-easternesque chimes found me yelling at Scott, my fraternity’s music chair, to stop acting like DJ Scribble again. Yet, this tune really wears down the soles of my Wallabee’s. The song is definitely an HGH injected home run out of the park. The beats get my hips gyrating like a dashboard top Hawaiian dancer and my feet stomping like a stupid cartoon penguin. T-Pain sounds like a poor-man’s Eminem halfway through his first entrance but let’s get real; if T-Pain euthanized a kennel’s worth of puppies could anyone stay mad? The lyric extraordinaire, Chris Brown, once again keeps the ladies singing before Lil Mama makes her return.

Being so impressed with the auditory aspect of this song, I took the time to check out the music video on youtube. Dancing with energy surrounded by white walls and a technological display you can see in the back of any Best Buy. And, as always of the great Chris Brown, he never knows what the hell is going on nor do I believe he knows what song he’s dancing to. Lil Mama is working her body and T-Pain is wrecking havoc behind the washing machine DJ booth. Danceability/singability, I will give this song a 9.23/10. The Music Video will get a rating of a 3.1/10 for its lack of orginality. Since the song has dual-perspectives and gives us female insight on dancing at clubs, even though Lil Mama seems to claim superior rule over all the dancing girls, I will give this song a 7/10 for its somewhat revolutionary aspects. The song’s chick appeal will receive a 9/10 and the T-Pain factor will add 7.5 bonus points. This song is definitely going to be on my aggressive pole-vaulting playlist. Keep my white thighs shaking Sexy Mama.

Weekly Top-Picks

“Feel It”- eMC
Finally, I’ve discovered a new song that sates my intellectual curiosity and has a nice beat that completes this as a solid song. This tune, off of their newly released album “The Show,” speaks to me and the passion heard in both the rap and r&b vocals makes this a beautiful song. The message empowers people to push through the hard times, and there are some pretty hard times for these folks. It’s refreshing to hear a song about real problems and deep and complicated issues. Taking care of your family/community and pursuing a meaningful life are the main messages of this song. Once in a while, it’s nice to listen to songs with compassion, depth, and soul. Stylistically, these guys are the truth. The flow is very smooth and the vibe of this song is optimistic and passionate. This song is in my “food for thought” and “mellow time” playlists. Check them out, the whole album is legit.

Dancing Walrus
In being a chronic viewer of stupid movies, I have to say that this week has been rather weak. Yet, I found a video of what appears to be my Uncle Lacky after a few whisky shots and Choco-tinis. Enjoy.